Watching someone you love struggle with their mental health can be painful, and it’s hard to know what to say. You might worry about upsetting them, saying the wrong thing, or being brushed off. There’s no perfect script, but there are approaches that make it more likely they’ll consider getting help. This guide explains how to help a loved one see a psychiatrist: the signs to watch for, what to say and avoid, and how to support them through the first visit.
Signs a Loved One Needs Help
Signs a loved one needs help include lasting changes in mood, sleep, or appetite, pulling away from people and activities, trouble functioning at work or home, increased alcohol or substance use, intense worry or panic, and talk of hopelessness. Any mention of suicide or self-harm needs immediate attention.
These conditions are common. The National Institute of Mental Health reports that 8.3% of U.S. adults had a major depressive episode in 2021, and NIMH estimates that 19.1% have an anxiety disorder in a given year. Yet in 2021, only 61.0% of adults with a major depressive episode received treatment.
Share receiving treatment in the past year, overall and among those with severe impairment.
Talking to Someone About Mental Health
Talking to someone about mental health goes best when you choose a calm, private moment, use “I” statements to share specific things you’ve noticed, express care rather than criticism, and listen more than you speak. The goal of the first conversation isn’t to solve everything; it’s to open the door.
- Pick the right moment. Choose a calm, private time without distractions.
- Share what you’ve noticed. Use specific, caring observations: “I’ve noticed you haven’t been sleeping.”
- Listen. Let them talk without rushing to fix or argue.
- Offer practical help. Suggest finding a psychiatrist together or helping schedule a visit.
- Follow up. Check in again, whether or not they said yes the first time.
You can't make someone get help. But you can make it easier for them to say yes.
What to Say and What Not to Say
What to say focuses on care, specifics, and hope, while what not to say includes blame, labels, and minimizing. Small shifts in wording can make a big difference in how the conversation lands.
| Try saying | Avoid saying |
|---|---|
| “I care about you, and I’ve noticed you seem down lately.” | “What’s wrong with you?” |
| “Would it help if I found some options?” | “You need to get help.” |
| “You don’t have to figure this out alone.” | “Just think positive.” |
| “Treatment helps a lot of people.” | “Other people have it worse.” |
If they’re not ready, that’s okay. Let them know the door is open and check in again later. Pressure often backfires, while steady, caring presence tends to help over time.
Helping someone take the first step?
Telehealth evaluations across South Carolina and New York can make it easier.
Supporting Someone With Depression or Anxiety
Supporting someone with depression or anxiety means offering practical help, staying connected, and being patient, since recovery takes time. Practical help can include researching psychiatrists, helping schedule an appointment, offering a ride or a quiet room for a telehealth visit, or joining the first visit if they want.
Treatment works for many people, and combining therapy and medication often helps. A meta-analysis of 52 randomized trials found combined treatment worked better than medication alone for major depression, panic disorder, and OCD. Our guides to psychiatrists vs therapists and anxiety and depression together can help you both understand the options.
Share of U.S. adults with at least one major depressive episode, by age.
Helping With the First Appointment
Helping with the first appointment can make a big difference: offer to help find a psychiatrist, prepare a list of symptoms and questions together, and, with their permission, attend or wait nearby. Telehealth can lower the barrier for someone who finds leaving home or sitting in a waiting room hard.
Our guides to what to expect at a psychiatric evaluation and questions to ask a psychiatrist can help you both prepare. Our walkthrough of how telepsychiatry works explains video visits.
Worried about someone you love
Watching them struggle and not knowing how to raise the subject.
A caring, practical approach
Words that open the door and concrete help getting to a first visit.
Your loved one gets support
An evaluation, a plan, and you’re not carrying it alone.
Dr. Gabriella Farkas, MD PhD
Board-certified adult psychiatrist with a PhD in neuroscience. Dr. Farkas welcomes family involvement, with the patient’s permission, and makes first visits as easy as possible.
About Dr. Farkas →When It’s an Emergency
It’s an emergency if your loved one talks about suicide or self-harm, has a plan or means, is confused or seeing or hearing things others don’t, or can’t care for themselves. Call or text 988 in the US, or call 911 if there’s immediate danger. Stay with them if it’s safe to do so.
Take care of yourself too. Supporting someone can be exhausting, and your own well-being matters. For non-emergency care, Dr. Farkas’s general adult psychiatry service offers comprehensive evaluations by telehealth.
Key Terms
- Psychiatric evaluation
- A comprehensive assessment that leads to a diagnosis and treatment plan.
- “I” statement
- A way of speaking that shares your own observations and feelings without blame.
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
- A US crisis line reachable by call or text at 988.
- Telepsychiatry
- Psychiatric care delivered by secure video.
Common Questions About Helping a Loved One
How do I convince someone to see a psychiatrist?
You can't force someone to see a psychiatrist, but you can make it easier by choosing a calm moment, sharing specific observations with care, listening, and offering practical help like finding a provider or joining the first visit. Respect their pace. Check in again later. Avoid pressure. Steady support helps over time.
What should I say to someone who seems depressed?
Say something caring and specific, such as "I've noticed you seem down lately, and I care about you," then listen without judging or rushing to fix things. Avoid blame. Avoid minimizing. Offer help. Let them know they're not alone. You don't have to handle it alone. Your support matters. Take care of yourself too.
What should I avoid saying to someone who is struggling?
Avoid phrases that blame, label, or minimize, such as "What's wrong with you?", "Just think positive," or "Other people have it worse." These can make people shut down. Focus on care. Use specifics. Listen more than you talk. You don't have to handle it alone. Your support matters. Take care of yourself too.
What if my loved one refuses help?
If your loved one refuses help, respect their choice for now, keep the door open, stay connected, and check in again later, unless there's immediate danger. Share resources gently. Take care of yourself. People often change their minds. Emergencies need 988 or 911. You don't have to handle it alone. Your support matters.
Can I go with my loved one to their first appointment?
Yes, you can often go with your loved one to their first appointment if they want you there, and many psychiatrists welcome family involvement with the patient's permission. Some parts may be private. Ask the practice. Telehealth visits allow this too. Follow their lead. You don't have to handle it alone.
When is it an emergency?
It's an emergency if your loved one talks about suicide or self-harm, has a plan or means, is confused, sees or hears things others don't, or can't care for themselves. Call or text 988, or call 911 if there's immediate danger. Stay with them if safe. Don't wait. You don't have to handle it alone.
Can my loved one see a psychiatrist by telehealth?
Yes, Dr. Farkas offers psychiatric evaluations by secure telehealth for adults in South Carolina and New York, which can make the first step easier. They'll need a private space. A device with a camera works well. Family can join with permission. Follow-ups use the same platform. You don't have to handle it alone.
You can help make the first step easier.
Compassionate evaluations by telehealth.
Sources
- National Institute of Mental Health. “Major Depression.” NIMH Statistics, 2021 NSDUH data. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/major-depression
- National Institute of Mental Health. “Any Anxiety Disorder.” NIMH Statistics. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/any-anxiety-disorder
- Cuijpers P, Sijbrandij M, Koole SL, et al. “Adding psychotherapy to antidepressant medication in depression and anxiety disorders: a meta-analysis.” World Psychiatry, 2014;13(1):56–67. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24497254/
Educational content only. This article does not constitute medical advice and does not establish a doctor-patient relationship. If you are in crisis, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or call 911. Treatment decisions should be made with a qualified clinician familiar with your circumstances. Last reviewed: September 2026.